Criticise is Healthier than Committing Suicide
by crazyspanish
Summary: A flyer delivered to every student criticises everyone's style, and manipulates everyone with his ironic comments. There are 3 questions to be answered: Who is the author? What are its purposes? Will people finally take its advice?


13 September 2006

Guys did you miss me and all my insightful comments on the Hogwarts inhabitants taste (or lack of it)? I surely did (the comments not you, dont get excited here.) Well now I'm back and ready for a new years criticisement:

For a (terible) start, Hermione Granger looked dressed up by a blind nun, if not, I can't imagine whatever possesed her to wear a) that hideous green skirt to the ankles (TO THE ANKLES) b) combined to an orange turtle neck, TURTLE NECK GOD DAMN IT, jumper. I mean what does it say about her fashion sense if the first thing I think when I see hermione Granger is: at least she doesn't wear granny underwear, not that I know of, and if she does I certainly do not want to know.

If Hermione Granger managed to cover up every centimeter of her skin with conservative (read granny) clothes, on the othe hand Blaise Zabini managed to dress half naked and modern (read weird) at the same time. Pheww Both weird _and _naked, how many chances are there on that? She likes to call it "_Originality"_, I like to call it _"I Owe My Sanity To The Inventor Of Underwear."_

Finally there's Hannah Abbot which despite her curly blond hair she decides to wear a frilly pink dress matching her hair bow (yes you heard right, her HAIR BOW) Hence looking like Little Ho Peep, for today I'll let it slip, but if she asks me to help find her sheep, I'm gonna rip off that dress and slap her with it until she cries.

Sometimes I'm just thankful to the uniform so I do not have to sterilize my eyes on daily basis after seeing the display of absolute lack of taste in here.

Hate Me I'm Cooler

21 September 2006

Today I had my first severe trauma, Professor Snape should receive some fashion classes. I don't know anything along the lines of "evil eye for the bad guy" or something. I can so see it happen, this would be the steps to follow:

1) Buy shampoo, okay I know teachers wages are not high but that lack of personal hygiene can't be healthy, your hair is starting to be a whole habitat to new and (thankfully) unknown species

2) Shampoo yourself profusely.

3) Repeat step 2

4) I know black is your colour ( I seriously don't want to imagine, much less see, Snape in a bright yellow robe) But there are millions of details that can make it unique. You dont have to have 10 robes that look exactly the same (or worst have only 1 and use it 10 days in a row eewwww)

5) Treat that irrational fear you have to daylight and get a tan, or just manage to look like a breathing human being not like a corpse.

6) I would advice to smile, but seeing that may cause your face to fall apart on the strain just don't frown. You get ugly wrinkles everywhere and you're already old enough, don't insist on looking it even more.

I could go on for ever, and ever but I've got other fashion crimes to attend.

Like, for example, Blaise Zabini's. After managing to get to Hogsmeade with 80 of her skin showing last week, this week, after recieving a severe reprimand she decided to get on the safe side knowing that she was decently covered by wraping herself in a Slytherin common room curtain (without tailoring it.)

As a cotrast to Blaise Zabini's decency there was Lavender Brown's absence of it. Today she decided to wear the shortest skirt known to humanity, either that or that supposed skirt was a belt and she forgot her pants, that must be it, because I can't see why anyone (other than Blaise Zabini) would like to look like a cheap (and tacky) tart.

Now hold into your hats guys, (unless they have feather or involve any shade of pink, in which case, discard them with a quickness): Hermione Granger actually looked like gasp a teenager today instead of an old nun. She was wearing low cut jeans, and a fetch black jumper, now it might not be much but it is a start.

Totally another issue is Susan Bones that for due to the hallucinogens dressed herself up like a flavor of Hubba Bubba gum she seriously did look like the packaging on some insanely sweet 1980s-era sugar candy, but I would have spared her and her psychodelic top, but she had to go and wear those jeans. When she chose them she was probably thinking: I hate all my clothing. I hate everything that fits. I loathe anything in here that looks even vaguely clean." So there she was thinking what to do and realised " I'll use my boyfriend's (or brother's, or male friend's) jeans!" Don't get me wrong, is one thing is wearing his shirts but making cutoffs out of his jeans is an absolute NO. And I won't mention her shoes, but the sentence that came in to my head when I first saw them was: "Why doesn't someone put her out of her miserie? PLEASE?"

Hate Me I'm Cuter

26 September 2006

For those who didn't hear (being the majority of you as I'm one of the few privileged in posession of this information) my mischievous gossipy self is taking over me so now they are going to hear: this weekend was interesting, who would have though that the Weasel could be so sneaky? He was cought in the astronomy tower with drum roll... Lavender Brown! And it wasn't exactly on any kind of astronomy context, if you take my drift (and I'm sure you do). Now I heard from reliable sources that Hermione Granger was seriously upset. She shouted to him something like: "Oh you bastard! You make me think you like me and go and make out with the first slut you can get near enough to? What do I don't have that she does? Straight silky hair? I CAN DO THAT TO MY HAIR! Short skirts? I CAN WEAR THAT! Slutty attitude? I CAN BE A SLUT, DAMN YOU, I CAN!"

Therefore copied outrageously Lavender Brown style. And believe me its not a stylish... well style, at all. She looks like some cheap hooker or something, but I tell you I can't understand why Hermione Granger hides _that _under those hideous clothes, she certainly has more (and prettier) to show than Lavender or Blaise (or maybe it is the fact that her body is new to us) On her behalf I'll say that she looked more or less decent, something Lavender has not yet managed. I guess Weasley couldn't see what was hiding under the meters and meters of clothing Granger wore until it was to late. heehee

And it is on Weasleys today, the Ginevra... heehee... Ginevra Weasley was possessed by some strange colour blindness or she was high on sugar quills _again _(will someone tell her it's just not healthy?) and chose to wear a deep crimson jumper. She apparently forgot she is a Weasley thus redheaded. Poor girl identity problems so young.

There's also the fact that Blaise Zabini actually managed to look human today, she was wearing a sensible outfit that miracously kept all her sexual organs covered. I thought that after that the world may actually collapse, but it didn't and kept happily turning, blissfully unaware of that turning point in mankind destiny.

What shall happen now that our gagged whimper favourite partner-to-be has had such a dramatic ending? We'll see.

Hate Me I'm Smarter

4 November 2006

So apparently there is more trouble with Granger and Weasley. Hermione denies any feeling for the stupid redheaded, that having screwed up any possibilty he might have had, is sticking with that cow Lavender Brown. I'm not very keen on a Ron-Hermione relationship, but man, even a blind cow as Lavender can see they are _made _for each other. They'll be the "happily ever after" kind of couple. The thing is that I thought that if they didn't end up as a couple it would be because Granger would see that she (anyone) deserves better than Weasley, I guess she realized now anyway.

Still on our daily spotlight there is big surprise Blaise Zabini. Seeing that Lavender Brown was starting to steal the show, today looked like she was on bad terms with any kind of hygiene and decide to highten her hemline managing to show us much more than we actually wanted to see. She looked like a rough sleeper from waist up and like a whore from waist down, and I swear you it was **not **appealing.Her really agressive hair and makeup at first kind of looked sexy now it kind of looks scary.

Well, other than that the week was pretty much calm. No major attempts against my sanity with hideous clothes, except a little incident with Cho Chang who usually is quite well dressed, and pretty if asiatic is your thing, goes and dresses thinking: "If _one _trend is good, _four _have to be even better" Cowboy boots, wad of jewels, pants of an undefined length and a big black belt. Cowboy boots I have nothing against but not with caprees woman, not with CAPREES (well kind of caprees, I'm not sure, it might be bermudas). So many jewels make you tinkle like Santa's sledge and the belt is to big to fit your figure.

Hate Me Smarter

6 November 2006

Some people think sexiness is about leaving things to the imagination. Blaise Zabini, however, not only seems to disagree with this theory, but appears to believe that imagination doesn't actually exist and cannot be trusted to fill in our mental blanks, she appeared with a filmsy negligee in the middle of the Great Hall, assuring it's a dress. Honey, even if you never wear one we recognise a drees when we see it, and we were seeing no dress, or anything on you today.

Nothing else noticeable today,well not exceptional,andI've got plenty things to do (read buy)

Hate Me I'm Awesome


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